amy

fromcitylights @ 2006-08-28T00:42:00

2006-08-28T05:45:48Z

last reminder...
i've moved to a different journal.

dirtystreets

pps

2006-08-04T02:47:08Z

lolz too complicated
who cares

okkkk i'm too lazy to comment you all back
dirtystreets

p.s.

2006-08-03T15:40:49Z

ok dead lj = i moved.
comment to find me.
alright? ok.

the end.

2006-08-02T20:59:38Z

this lj is dead.
comment to find me.

:(

2006-08-02T15:15:44Z

i miss the good days.

last night was ok. we went shopping. i was tired. it was raining. we went to eric's. it was more of a guys night, if anything.. which wasn't exactly what i had in mind. dave chappelle's lost episodes are not funny. v for vendetta was faaaaaaaaaantastic of course. that's all the night consisted of, and it had been a week since we saw each other. makes me sad. at this rate.. i'll see him 2 or 3 times before he leaves. fuck.

sup

2006-08-01T15:32:15Z

august 1st!! wowwowwow one more month left. :(

yesterday i went out to caribou with the girls! that was a lot of fun... plus i went with crystal and dan for more dorm shopping @ MOA and ikea. and yes i bought stuff, shhh. it's ok, i can afford to at the moment. we spent sooooo much time shopping, it was ridiculous. & we went to target and we went to southdale.. it was cool. we ate at the cheesecake factory, which i really probably shouldn't have. i've never spent so much money on a single meal before in my life, $28! daaamn. i didn't even come close to finishing my pasta.. and we all had our cheesecake to go. ohhhhhhh i'm gonna have some of that right now!! ok. today is our 8 month, & he told me he quit piano for this month. so maybe we can do something together.. gah. i kind of don't want to watch v for vendetta with the guys.. i mean. 8 month. come on. i don't know.

good morning

2006-07-31T13:52:37Z

its 8:49 am, and i couldn't tell you why i'm awake. for most of this month, i've been trying to sleep in, but i just can't. it's not even like i wake up feeling energized & refreshed -- i feel exhausted. craaaaaaaazy. i've decided to put saturday night behind me and just get over it, it's not a big deal i guess, looking at the bigger picture. i have to remember to do that from time to time. i talked to laura last night.. she seems to be doing well. i'm glad that i've been able to talk to her this summer... and that i can talk to her about boy problems too. i hope we'll still be able to talk while we're both down at the u this fall. less than a month now...

AND V FOR VENDETTA COMES OUT TUESDAY!!! WOW! ;)

%#@$#@$

2006-07-29T21:31:51Z

after spending at least an hour on that stupid flyer for his show in his basement
and i called into work saying i'm not gonna be there
and i was looking forward to tonight
but one fucking text message fucks it up
so he's not gonna go to the show
and he's not gonna hang out with me

now i don't know if even i'm going to the show tonight
and he ruined my fucking day
i wonder if guys are ever aware of this sort of thing
because it sucks

now i'm just pissed as hell

i want more time.

2006-07-27T02:47:22Z

i can't believe it. one more month and he's gone. one more month and everyone is gone.

oh and buying that digital rebel doesn't seem so impossible after all. i've been working like craaaaazy.

work = hot

2006-07-23T22:17:28Z

lol @ this kid, he is silly. you wouldn't be able to tell that he likes to brutally tell me the truth. and he tells me that i should drop denny because he knew from the beginning that he wasn't good for me.

i sent him an email & i don't know if it was a good idea.

fuuuuuck its sunday and i have work

2006-07-23T17:37:52Z

i'm so tired and my party sucked (for me).
i hope everyone else had fun.
that's all that matters i guess.
laura didn't end up coming which sucked.
yeah i'm just pissed that i spent over $200 out of my pocket for something that sucked for me.

i found out that me and denny have pretty big communication problems, most of the night i didn't talk to him because he looked like he was mad at me for being mad at him? and i guess that he didn't talk to me because i said he was a jerk and when he asked why, i said don't even worry about it. yes. it's not like i tried to talk to him.. i was very very very upset that he spent most of the night at my party with katie mcgraw, i know they're good friends, but still. it hurts to see him really really happy & shit while i'm sitting there.. just wondering if he's mad at me or why the fuck he doesn't talk to me. it was actually quite sickening to sit there and watch.. and they were sitting next to each other, i really wanted to scream. most of the time.. i feel like i am overlooked when it comes to his choir friends, they seem more important to him. UGH, i'm so fucking weak now. why do these little things bother me so much? and yes.. i'm trying as hard as i can to look at the bigger picture, to try and remember that he leaves in a few weeks. i shouldn't be getting so upset over bullshit like this. counseling session with trisha helped. but i still fucking cried, and i'm still a baby, and i can't get over it. i'm just really really afraid of losing him i think, especially in iowa. we talked on the phone at almost 2 am about last night... and more things. there's a possibility he might have a house with a girl? and his potential roommate said he wouldn't room with the girl because his girlfriend wouldn't be up for that. i don't know if i see it threatening. a little. i suppose this girl could be drop-dead-gorgeous and what if she's a million times better than me? it's this fucking shit that i worry about and whyyyyyyyyy, whyyyyyy do i do it to myself? more than likely.. it's because i feel like things are already slipping away, i feel like everything is slipping away from me. i feel like i'm the only one who's not changing. wait, i'm changing -- just in a bad way, i've become more insecure, more unsure of myself.

i asked if he was drinking at jake's friday night -- answer was no, which made me feel a little better about not going. but he has when he's gone out with them... just occassionally, and it's not to get drunk. i guess that's ok. i'm still hesitant about all that shit. i don't know. everyone else seems to be soooooo excited to go to college and drink, and i don't see it like that. i feel like when i go to college... i'll cave. i'm afraid of losing all the things i believe in because i'm growing WEAK. it's sick. it's pathetic. but how can i change? maybe college will change things. or maybe it'll make things worse. i hope i don't turn into my mom, and how she's so fucked up now. it's crazy.

i'd like to think i can handle myself. i hope i can.

anyways. softball tournament friday.. 3rd place. i went to the hookah bar with some of the guys, nothing too exciting. i tried strawberry. i don't know. i don't see what the hype is about i guess. um. tomorrow i will hopefully go to valleyfair, and hopefully that will take my mind off of things.

OHOHOH I ACTUALLY HAVE GOOD NEWS, i almost forgot, I KNOW WHERE I'M LIVING ON CAMPUSSSSSS AND I'M ROOMING WITH TRISHA :) :) :)

upcoming weekend

2006-07-21T16:24:56Z

friday night -- softball tournament games, and maybe monster house with corey and jake.
saturday -- skipping chinese lessons (somehow), kristin king's grad party, my party @ 7. putting it up on myspace = bad idea, some 24 yr old guy that nobody knows is coming, i want to take him off the list. and not have him come. wtf perv?
sunday -- valleyfair? maybe?

i'm really tired, but life is good.

fromcitylights @ 2006-07-20T18:55:00

2006-07-20T23:55:25Z

my mom's totally lost it

2006-07-20T03:45:57Z

proof:
1) she refuses to go to work. so me and my brothers get to pick up her shifts.
2) she takes the money we get from the restaurant and spends it.
3) she insists on not working, but she just sits at home and does nothing.
4) she yelled at her brother on the phone and called him bad names in chinese.
5) she makes "food".. mostly just steaming pork feet and vegetables, nothing else, and thinks it's good for her.
6) she buys shit from catalogs but never uses it.
7) she buys shit from supertarget and never uses it, claims that it'll have use in 5 years.
8) she thinks she can still have a baby, even though her tubes are tied, she's already going through menopause, and every doctor she goes to tells her it's nearly impossible.
9) she thinks everyone else in the world is crazy EXCEPT for her, example, she doesn't believe the doctors.
10) she has a reputation in her village/community.. not a good one.
and more importantly...
11) she just smashed our SUV into the mailbox, creating a dent in our back door and completely shattering the back window. estimated cost, $3500.

all these reasons, and more!

fromcitylights @ 2006-07-19T10:49:00

2006-07-19T15:54:53Z

i was talking to 'monster' about not being able to have that "feeling" in a relationship... and how it's sometimes there, sometimes it's not. but honestly.. i'm just a dumb girl and yes, it's there. don't ask me what changed my mind.. it wasn't because we were playing sims 2 on my laptop, or we were watching the daily show and the colbert report, or that we were watching conan. it sort of just, hit me.

i'm really dumb sometimes. and yes now i have faith in our relationship, trisha. i can feel it now.

oh & hey its STILL raining out, and i'm tired, and i have to work tonight for the 3rd night in a row, and tomorrow night. bleeeeeeh.

this makes no sense

2006-07-18T01:52:39Z

i don't get how someone could completely bash another person's decisions and talk shit about them behind their back all the time, but then hang out with them all the time and pretend to be something they're not comfortable being. wtf hypocrite?

people ~~these days~~ ALL THE TIME. we say we're out of high school, but really, some of us never grow up.

18th birthday

2006-07-17T15:43:05Z

it was awesooooooome.

my dad took us to yangtze (restaurant) in st. louis park, and we got our food for free! craaaaaaazy, but then again, it helps that our dad used to work there. i went shopping with charlie in arbor lakes, didn't really find anything, but yessss, i like wet seal a lot because i have no money. then me and crystal went to dunn bros, mmmmmm, caramel mocha icecremas. then, an idea hit me - IKEA!! so yes, me, trisha and denny went to ikea at 6 and walked around. i bought a shoe organizer something.. didn't buy much because we're gonna go back there next tuesday. :) then we hit up MOA, only to find that it was closing, so we went to olive garden. i tried something new.. it was ok, but strange, smelled like wine, kind of threw me off because i forgot about that. the salad had waaaay too much dressing, so it was less pleasing than the first time. we went to andrews park to go on the swings because i was fresh out of ideas. and sundays, everywhere's closed early anyways. we drove trisha home and then finished "snatch" at denny's, then i went home.

ummm gift-wise, i only got $150 and a couple of picture frames from my mom, my brothers, i got nothing from them, ummm, denny bought me trendy shirts (hahah) and a trendy necklace, and a $20 dunn bros gift card!! ahhhhhh, and he's like "yeah i still have to get you that cd" -- WHAT, he had to have spent at least $50. crazy. but i love him, and his card was sweet & sad. i don't want him to leave... i'll have to make the best of the time we have together now.

fromcitylights @ 2006-07-15T11:30:00

2006-07-15T16:38:21Z

i feel like writing just because, so if you don't want to read it, i don't care, don't read it. summer's halfway over... and all of those people who were like, "OH YEAH WE HAVE TO HANG OUT YEAH KEEP IN TOUCH LOL CALL ME", about half of them i've seen once or twice this summer. i hate that. it sucks. i want to see people... already a couple of people can't come to my party on saturday, which sucks. i don't know when else i'd call them up and ask them to hang out. like amanda jaworski! i miss that girl. then again.. people don't call me to hang out, probably because they automatically assume i'm always out with denny. i'm really not. that pisses me off. another thing i don't like.. people finding out about me through people who know me. things are so impersonal these days.. nobody calls someone up to ask how they're doing, nobody does shit. even me. i fucking invited people to my party through myspace. maybe it's best that i lose my ties to most of my high school friends, because maybe then i wouldn't be weighing on my mind constantly. and the last thing i want are those bullshit things like "oh we'll keep in touch hahahah fdksjfkdlsjfkl". i've seriously lost almost all of my friends, and it's like watching them through a glass window. like at my movie night. ugh. that's what it is right now.. and i have a feeling that's how my party's gonna go. well, it'll probably be one of the last.

the day before

2006-07-15T15:01:18Z

so tomorrow, or tomorrow after midnight, i don't know, i'll be able to do all this stuff, all the "adult" stuff, like buy porn and cigarettes and gamble. what a life.

thursday night i had a lot of fun with denny.. it hasn't been like that for a while. and yesterday i was sort of disappointed because we didn't get to really do anything in uptown before comedy sportz. i just sat at home playing my piano for about 2 hours before we went. yes i'm pathetic. actually.. it was good, because i miss playing the piano. i attempted playing "clair de lune" by debussy, oh man, that was a workout. but anyways... uptown, we went to this new/used bookstore, and wow, it was really awesome. by the time we got to comedy sportz, i was really tired. this show wasn't as good as the last one i saw with trisha, mandy, etc.

i'm so tiiired, and i don't know what to do for my birthday tomorrow, any ideas?

"blown cock"

2006-07-13T19:00:24Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJs5En45mH0

hahahah ok make sure you turn up your volume too.

i had a last minute movie night last night, it went fairly well. i don't know what people are gonna do at my house next saturday. oh wells. yeah and i just sent out a shitload of myspace event invites, pretty much to anyone who lives in minnesota. yup. work sucks, it's hot, and i wanna take a shower. tonight = arbor lakes with denny, maybe, we'll see.

oh hay

2006-07-12T19:37:21Z

we blew up a chicken yesterday
and a 12 pack of super chill root beer
and a pineapple,
it was inteeeense.

and my boyfriend sort of ditched me yesterday
but hey, we blew stuff up!

oh hey i don't know what to do on sunday.

world cup? DAMMIT FRANCE

2006-07-10T22:35:38Z

this is a day late... but seriously, italy. wtf. and zidane... what the hell?

so i talked to denny about going to iowa, and we're going to try it out, which is good. i am zillions times happier now. well, i guess i'm just content now because we talked about it. he tricked me - he said he had classes the 18th and .. i got really scared. that's a little over a month from now. but it turns out he sucks and looked it up on google, and he ended up looking at the wrong school site. but still. i can't imagine saying goodbye to him.. and not knowing when i'd be able to see him next.

five hours away.

2006-07-09T04:47:11Z

i'm almost positive denny's going to iowa, whether he's gonna admit it or not. we talked about it before "pirates..." last night. i'm trying to be very supportive because, yeah, that's what he wants to do the most. why waste time in minnesota? although i can only hope that he wants to stay together... i don't know, this sucks a lot. he's there right now. we need to talk about it. i hope it doesn't end up with a "oh well i don't know if i want to stay together in college" and then me saying "oh well why not just end it now" because i'm just that cool.

and "pirates..." was good. i don't know, i hear there's a third one coming out next year, that one will probably be better.

currently sick of a lot of things.

2006-07-07T01:57:45Z

i realized that using my livejournal recently is just a way of me bitching about stupid things that no one really cares about, or writing about my day, detail by detail. and no one really cares to read it, and don't say you do, because if you do, you must feel obligated to. its ok, i know. i write entries about nothing. it's always the same.

what's not the same.. is that denny might be going to iowa for school, i guess. and that makes me.. ___________. feel free to insert anything there except for "happy". i don't know, it's just hard to fathom, i guess. i thought it was going to be hard enough with me living on campus and him living at home. i'm not saying that his decision should rely on our relationship at all. i really hope that doesn't ever happen. but i know that if he does go to iowa.. i will miss him a lot. it's just hard to understand because it all happened really fast, like, last night fast. before ms. woodley came over.. he didn't even think of it much, but afterwards, he was so unsure about going to the u. i don't know what to think. so now i just wait.

i'm also sick of the way i think lately. a lot of things have changed already.

BIG NEWS!

2006-07-04T04:54:11Z

trophy scars is playing a show at dennys house!!! aaaaahhh! YES THIS ROCKS. (anyone know of any good locals willing to play a show?)

oh and bday party at my house, july 22nd.